Are You Strong Enough to Forgive Your Ex

When you go through the painful divorce experience, sometimes revenge runs rampant inside your mind, doesn't it? You certainly don't like what's happened to you. You want to blame someone because certainly you are faultless and blame free. You wouldn't mind it too awfully if someone else hurt as much as you do. You frequently turn this type of thinking toward your ex, whom you think of as the ogre.

It's a basic truth that it took both of you to create this divorce. Regardless of who is to blame for the divorce, you are one of that partnership and you're in this specific experience for your own good. I'm going to share with you a few ideas about how to glean that good from all the goop.

Lots of our spiritual leaders have told us to forgive and forget. Sounds great, but how do we do this with all those raging emotions caroming around inside of us? Through choice, deliberateness, putting our children first on the list, and being introspective. Choice. You always have a choice in your life.

You can live it awash with emotion, or you can choose something different. Taking a deep breath is one choice. You can share with your children that you are getting in control of your emotions. Don't forget: you are their role model.

You can have a few moments of silence to recover your equilibrium, and then you can choose to deliberately be calm at that very moment. Deliberateness. Is it possible your ex will do thing deliberately to stir you up? It's possible. Can you do anything about their actions? You can not. You can only control yours, so why not decide today precisely what you will think the next time he/she tried to bait you. How about this: I am centered in my own truth and the lies that come at me fall away harmless without my emotional reaction.

Or create one of your own. "I know you are but what am I?" won't work, so you'll have to dig deep and come up with something that will work for you. Put Your Children First on the List.

You want to set an exemplary example for your children. If your emotions are not in control, that's what you are teaching them. If you gossip about your ex in front of them, that's what you are teaching them.

If you keep an undisciplined environment, that's what you are teaching them. If you are unforgiving and you refuse to forget what's happened in the past, that's what you are teaching them. Forgiveness can be easy. You simply say the words "I forgive you.

" You follow those words with a good reason for why you forgive them. "You must be in a world of hurt yourself to say something so hurtful to me. You must be ignorant of how hurtful those words are to me. You must be awash in emotions yourself to lash out so." You are forgiving and you are giving a reasonable excuse for his behavior to yourself so that you can let go of it.

Drop it and move on with your life. Forgiveness is for giving yourself your own next best thing. What a wonderful thing to teach to your children. Forgetting can be just as easy. In order to forget, you have to think an alternative to what you're trying to let go of.

If I said "Don't do something" that's precisely the thing you will think about. Don't think about blue whales. It's there, isn't is? Replace it with another idea: tall giraffes? For getting your next great idea in place of the emotionally-burdened one, just put another good idea in it's place.

And then put a guard at the door to your thinking with orders not to let in any purple elephants! Your children will make great strides toward growing up if you teach them these methods. Become Introspective. Going within for a few moments when you've got some quiet time can be so beneficial for both you and your children. I came to cherish that last hour of the day when I was alone with my coffee, a book, the TV or just with my journal.

It's a great way to sort through the elements of the day, give yourself some distance emotionally from them so that you can decide specifically how you want to handle it the next time. This could be a great time to read a few paragraphs from an inspirational book and think about how they apply to you. Just a few moments can grace you with much needed objectivity during your parenting years. You could continue to seek for revenge, to blame your ex, to nurse your hurt behind drugs or alcohol, or, you could admit that you also played a role; that it does take two to tango. You can get honest and prevent a second divorce through the exercise of forgiveness.

It's good for your kids if you do.

Len Stauffenger's parents taught him life's simple wisdom. As a divorced dad, he wanted to share that simple wisdom with his girls. "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," his book, is the solution. Len is an author, a Success Coach and an Attorney.

Home Security

Mailbox Vandalism And What To Do About It - I don't know how it is where you live but chances are if you live in an urban or suburban area you have had to deal with mailbox vandalism of some type.

Fight Mold the Safe and Natural Way - Looking for a safe and natural way to fight mold -- aka "mildew" -- in your home? Try tea tree oil, also known as melaleuca oil.

The Rs Reading Writing Arithmetic and Retail - Kids are exposed to thousands of advertisements everyday.

The Spin On Clothes Dryers And Dangers - Clothes Dryers are a fact of life for so many of us, it's easy to forget that they are powerful appliances that can pose a health risk if not installed and maintained properly.

All About Moving Companies - When faced with the cost of hiring a moving company for a cross-town move, most people will round up their relatives, friends and even neighbours to get their property loaded up to the moving van or into a moving pod.

© Copyright All rights reserved.
Unauthorized duplication in part or whole strictly prohibited by international copyright law.